new year

now its 2008, everything has ended, we don't even talk anymore. it is my decision. now he has a new guy, someone who he is in love with. im happy for him..

but it hurts..

very much...

so much..

i wish i could just stop thinking about him and pretend that he doesn't exist in this world. but i still miss his smell, i still miss being in his arms. why why why.

he was treating me like shit, he didn't care, he didn't love me.. HE STOPPED LOVING ME!.

oh well, what can you do, i just would like this feeling to pass and go away.. it is hard having him in my thought, i feel sad, i feel angry, i feel upset, i feel hurt.

tomorrow is just another day, please don't come into my head, please let me forget about you, please let me stop loving you.. i beg.

i will be better tomorrow.

hurt

why does it hurt so much.

i miss him everyday,every minute, every second of the day.

saw him earlier today in town with someone.. i felt like someone was stabbing a knife through my heart.

i have to be strong and not contacting him. just have to believe that this is for the best.

i said horrible things to him, really want to call and say that 'i'm sorry' but then the thing between us will never end.

i miss his smell, i miss his kiss.

why do i love someone so much, someone who is capable of hurting me. someone who i don't even know if he loves me, misses me, or have any kind of feeling for me.

it is hard.. i want to call and hear his voice, i want to go over there and hold him tight in my arms. but we both will only end up hurting each other again.

is he... is he the love of my life? guess time will tell. not being in contact for a bit might be a good thing, hopefully it will show how we feel about each other.

but right now, one thing i know for sure is.. i'm missing him like crazy, and he is still in my heart.

we are so in love right now.

happy

just want to say thank you for being you.

again

anything less than extraordinary is a waste of time.

love

this is so cool...

i can say whatever i want on here..

the thing you say "ok, thats enough for this blog", does it mean you stopped loving me. the blog is called "lovetee", so i guess that's what it means.

rather fastinating how easy it was.

you don't know how you feel? you have to get people to tell you how you feel.. interesting.

bum bum bum bum bum...

tired

12:22:am.. and i'm still at work..

so tired..

got my passport today.. hooray!!!

is this what they call..... blogging!!!

amazing

it's amazing how easy people gives up on things.

it's interesting how things changed over night.

it's sad when love's gone.

it's ridiculous when someone doesn't want to lose face.

it's been a full on experience.

it's been nice and warm.

it was something.

it was special.

but was it real?

was it true?

i don't think there is an answer to that.

one thing i know...

i was in love with you.

i wanted to be with you.

you were in my mind.

you were in my heart.

you were all i wanted.

you were someone i was planning to wake up to.

you were somebody i wanted to learn things together.

you were special.

you were different.

but i guess that's not enough.

blogging is great in a way.. it's a good release. it makes you wondering whether the person you are writing about would ever get to read it.

life is complicated. it fucks your head up at time. i wonder if you should think with your brain or your heart. i always follow my heart. i fell in love with a man, a man who is as fucked up as me.

maybe i was wrong, maybe i was right..

anyway... i just have to keep thinking and dreaming.. and will always be wondering what it would be like to be with YOU!.

Thank you,

It's complicated - love. It's so unique every time, with every person. And when the real thing comes along, I guess we just have to hope we see it.

love, it's more than just the physical part. It's whether or not you connect. You can't plan who you fall in love with.

how do you even know if it's real? I mean, so many people fall in love and go through the motions, but it's not even close.

When was it we fell in love? I don't know, 'cause the truth is, I can't picture a time when I wasn't in love with you. And I know there's nothing we can't work through. It's a miracle to find the kind of peace and happiness that you've given me.

Thank you,

best love

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?

when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different.

Do you think our love can make miracles?

Do you think our love, can take us away together?

I think our love can do anything we want it to.

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

Bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum.

me and mine

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

feeling

i miss you, i really would love to see you and talk to you. but somehow i dont think it's such a good idea. things have changed, things have been strange since last night. it hurts.

i am so much in love with you. it's scary. i would love to be able to hold you, kiss you, and wake up next to you every morning.

you are such an amazing person. one thing that i don't quite understand is why you need to keep meeting up with new people. maybe i'm not good enough so you need to keep your options open.

i think it's a good idea to stop seeing each other for a month, it will prove that we are actually in love with each other. i still would love to be with you.... you make me smile, you make me happy.

i love with feeling of holding each other's hands walking around town. i love meeting you on the bridge, i love when you carry me on your back, i love when you kiss me in public, i really love you.

i hope you get to read this blog.

i xxxx you james.

first sight

It's like seeing someone for the first time, and you look at each other for a few seconds, and there's this kind of recognition like you both know something. Next moment the person's gone, and it's too late to do anything about it. and you wonder what would happen if you had enough courage to go and say "hi", what would happen if that person was the love of your life!!!

Dream for an Insomniac

- Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.

- Choices are like connecting highways. They all take you to the same place. Some just take longer to get there.

- There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them.

- I am going to circumnavigate his soul until he is surrounded on all sides by my love.

- Life can only be understood backwards.

12:46am

can't sleep, thinking about you. wishing you were here holding me.

12:47am, still thinking about you, still wishing that you were here kissing me.

12:48am, wishing you were here even more, wishing you were smiling at me and telling me you love me.

someone is crazy about you, James Cattell.

xxx

yesterday, today, tomorrow

yesterday, i loved you. today, i love you. tomorrow, i will love you. xx